When Sara Lewis shared her story on a podcast, she didnt think of herself as brave. But when her story went viral, she quickly learned what it meant to be in the spotlight. Join the 10,000+ others who are already getting their weekly dose of inspiration for writing delivered directly to their inbox every Monday morning. A classic N doesnt want sympathy because they view themselves as above it. Clarity kept me focused and I knew what hed said. As Iridian begins her new job, the workplace gossip and odd interactions circle closer and closer to home. He claimed he could say things like that because he used to be fat too. If we see what He does: Him in us? (Imagine that going down in 2018. He said, to be honest Im strongly considering heading back home. (It had taken him 3 hours in traffic to get to my house.) Well, apparently he could hear me (oops) and he asked who I was talking to in the bathroom. They move on to their next conquest, leaving behind a shell of a person who thinks their lack of direction is their own fault. This episode comes out for free on Thursday, February 16th 2023. Thats whats happening. And have control issues. Happy to be an "enmeshed parent." My exs crocodile tears and contorted face felt disproportionate to the moment and the amount they were giving. ! instead of Oh Happy Day or something. Later on behind closed doors (especially sitting in the car while waiting for people to cross the street), and eventually in public places like coffee shops and grocery stores, he would refer to people as fat, ugly, or worthless. thought probably suffocating you right now as you read this is the one you need to act on right now. I laughed and cried all the way home, using the experience to learn how to trust my gut and we both moved on to live our best lives.). Its not gonna just go away.). We are not going back to normal or anything comfortably livable this time around unless we do the things we were put here to do. One day, I would hear a speech on budget and how were broke because Im so expensive or spend so much. There are a few reasons why, but one of the most problematic is the host both explicitly and implicitly stating that abuse is a gendered phenomena always in the direction of males abusing females (including in non-physical methods of abuse). The blood Jesus shedcovers our sin andHe no longer sees it. If I was a gossip, help me see and change it. Its a new effort to come to the Lord and let Him be something new to me: the place I bring my injustices and frustration. As the numbness wears off and Im pulling old files to compile my story, I read texts with clear eyes. But she is, self admittedly, in a bubble when it comes to her upbringing and her family. ), Christian friends, were not being spoon-fed anymore. I think they have several internal problems as well. Sara discovers something terrifying about her Fiance. There were certain daily routines he started from the beginning that he never wavered on, even near the end. When I saw that print in the store, someone with me tried to shoot it down the second I reached out to touch and look at it. (My piano teacher would laugh at that now because of a comment I made about it while facing each other from across two grand pianos.). He used no harsh language whatsoever. Simply switch between keys without allowing air to pass through their surface and your fingertips. Until the week before her wedding when she learned - something was. It was take me back to the beginning. I wasnt sure why. Use the prompts, write for 5-20 minutes each day and youll be amazed at how quickly you make progress on your book. There used to be a grating feeling in my gut that I was destined to attend womens luncheons and exchange flower pots until a young single pastor arrived and gave me my purpose. Sara Gonzalez (Lewis) joins us on SWE for a long chat about a past relationship that took a crazy turn. You in the beginning.. Thats all, folks! Its close. *Content warning: fraud, emotional abuse, sexual coercion. This is my favorite podcast. Not everyone fit this mold, but highschool me received it this way.) Amy shares a personal story of pain, healing, survival and her search for justice. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. Just before that, though, I had been on my piano playinga Chopin Etude Id been assigned my very first year in college, as a wide-eyed homeschooler walking into classrooms for the first time since elementary school. I said when can we start?! Something Was Wrong is an award winning docuseries podcast about the discovery, trauma and recovery of being engaged to a sociopath. Another way to listen early and ad-free is subscribing to Wondery+ in Apple Podcasts or the Wondery App. Something Was Wrong is an Iris Award-winning true-crime docuseries about the discovery, trauma, and recovery from shocking life events and abusive relationships. I know His timing is perfect but Ifeel irritated. I was so excited for an entire weekend with a couple of my favorite people! (Sorry to barge onto ur Twitter but just searched "something was wrong podcast" & saw ur tweet) Their stories will be told in an episodic format meaning more inspiring stories and less cliffhangers. I literally came on here looking for someone else to validate my feelings on this - thank you! Sara and her family might be a bit "extra," but it sounds like some of y'all have never dated women. See Episode 8 of the Something Was Wrong Podcast: There is Much to Confess.. 15. Something Was Wrong When Sara got engaged, she thought she was marrying the Christian man of her dreams. *Content warning: Substance Use Disorder, emotional abuse, sexual assault, workplace abuse. I agree. ), and have loved it . Last night my mind was jam-packed with the horrific events I cant stop reading about. He also called people out and shocked a culture by giving women a voice. Many times Id come home to $300+ of Whole Foods groceries in the fridge. When you decide to publish (or share your story in any public way), what was once personal and private becomes open for discussion. It doesnt have to impress anyone elsewhich I wrestle with. When Kenzie first met Joe she thought he was funny, successful and charming. If you could see what I see. I went about my bachelorette party the next day ready to have fun, with no idea that Sunday held the exposure of massive lies. Something Was Wrong started as a way of documenting the experience of Sara, a woman who thought she was marrying the man of her dreams, but as the podcast's title suggests turned out to be incredibly wrong. This is a really great podcast that delves into very important issues. What would life look like if we didnt think so highly of ourselves that the possibility of failure (more like a guarantee at some point) wasnt so unthinkable? Something Was Wrong is an Iris Award-winning true-crime docuseries about the discovery, trauma, and recovery from shocking life events and abusive relationships. One thing at the forefront of my thoughts right now is the fear I know a lot of women around me are facing, and the choices they are making in the midst of it. As part of this mission, r/podcasts is curated to promote respectful and on-topic discussions. Not my service or even faithfulness with what He gave me before He has my attention first. Learn more about your ad choices. It can start to manifest as headaches, aches and pains, fatigue, a lowered immune system, etc. First, however, I had to allow Him to pick up the pieces of a shattered sense of self, and reconstruct my concept of what I have to contribute to the world around me. Its fine! I know God literally commands us to be at peace and find joy even in terrible events; I just couldnt help but feel like joy would be a dismissal of the travesties, the economic and political devastation, worldwide deception, division and all-out spiritual war happening. Season 7. I have yet to find another one that I enjoy as much! We have felt like square pegs in round holes because the fit didnt exist until now. At 40, I have introduced only my abusive ex/father of my child and now partner to only my mom and aunt. I dont want to get in the way of anything. I begged him to stay. I definitely was emotional and thankful, but they still talk about the grand scale of his reaction and how uncomfortable it made everyone. He responds. 6h. He pulled me out of the trap to begin with; He will restore everything. It made me realize my identity as a woman needed restoration, not correction or managing. John and Staci talked about the world-changing power of feminine beauty, and how it reflects the heart of God in a way masculine strength simply cannot. Bear with me as this site goes through growing pains. A good Father does not take away to leave a permanent void. Just ten years after being. We are all capable of being obedient, and in my case thats all God has been asking of me. They wont see the truth of who you really are or arent. Ive gone through seasons of counseling twice now. Join the something was wrong Facebook to learn about him. Show Something Was Wrong, Ep [Alice + John + Naomi] The Wheels Fall Off - 23 Feb 2023 Im sorry, podcast listeners: It was in that same Blue Bottle on a Thursday afternoon that I saw one of the letters Bryan and Kimmy sent me on his laptop screen. We dont belong to sin or the world. Now I have on record that as he calmly gazed into my eyes and held my hand across the candlelit table, resolving to love me well while navigating these learning opportunities for me, my churning stomach and racing heart were right. Our hearts. It says, Youre safe here. My mom still references the night she and my dad told us they were giving us money for the wedding. During my commute Ive been blasting the song Heroes by Amanda Cook from her album The Voyage, and every time she sings you taught my feet to dance upon disappointment, I burst with more emotions thanwhat should probably be considered safe for driving. Its very real. I dont feel wanted here. Take me back to the beginning every single day. Forward to that night lying in bed: I was contemplating the existence of mankind (I know; Im not kidding) and I straight up wondered, Why? Was there truly nothing but you, God, and you decided all of THIS was a good idea? You can listen to new episodes early and ad-free on Amazon Music included with Prime. It preys on their loves, their treasured secrets, by celebrating them. Something Was Wrong is an award winning docuseries podcast about the discovery, trauma and recovery of being engaged to a sociopath. And what is it really like to be doxxed and harassed online to the point the FBI has to get involved? In my case, since Im obviously the main character here, Im in the checkout line at the grocery store and the cashier definitely says, Nice day to start a blog!, Cashier: I said nice day for a jog! 12/22/2022. Gratchki 4 yr. ago. Only when that phrase appears on page 3. Id feel uncomfortable with the insults hed quickly throw at people crossing him, and embarrassed at the lack of Christlike character it showed. Coming to a podcast near you that will knock your winter socks off. Calabasas is a quiet, well-to-do California town often referred to as "The Bubble.". The first round back in 2015 started with breaking down my fences, telling myself the truth, and exploring whats on the other side. Youre loose-lipped! as if it was obvious and went about his business. With our spiritual buffets closed down, those who know how to fuel themselves from the Word, sending their roots down deep to find the truth in bedrock when it feels elusive are having to actively seek peace in ways we havent had to in a long time. Charts. In addition to believing lies about myself, I believe my fear of failure was rooted in pride. During this season, chemicals are bonding me to him and altering my brain, making it increasingly difficult to see clearly no matter how intelligent or discerning I might be. Love is what rescued me. That the ground beneath our feet doesnt feel the same and were somehow powerless against it? When that light feels like a pinpoint, we have to lean in closer and He is faithful to meet us there. Christian friends, were not being spoon-fed anymore. When my community (called a bubble by someone) felt something was wrong and told me to be praying with them, I didnt know what else to do but get on my knees alone that Friday night and read the Names of God out loud. Something Was Wrong is an Iris Award-winning true-crime docuseries about the discovery, trauma, and recovery from shocking life events and abusive relationships. What do I mean? If you're sensitive to the topic of abuse, I would skip it. Enjoy it., It wasnt until my vocal instructor countered my argument of the day with a phrase that rang in my ears for years to follow: You need to get over yourself.. I think they sort of gave up policing people. I'm on episode 10 and have enjoyed it but also feel like maybe Sara is a littleextra lol. Jesus said to approach Him as children do. It was very beautiful, covered in blossoming vines and beautiful flowers, but it was a wall. The answer is absolutely yes. But that song that plays at the intro and the end. Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Our spirits are what reflect Him. I was told once by someone who was praying for me that she saw me living behind a fence. I asked myself, what must I be doing wrong if my own fiance doesnt trust me with his secrets? I was mortified over the tears that forced their way down my face all over again, and now the shame and embarrassment made me feel like a little kid. Terrifying, simultaneously, to see how this strategy operates and deceives intelligent and discerning people. I had no frame of reference for what he meant because I was ecstatic to see him. Requires subscription and macOS 11.4 or higher. Responded as if I could do no wrong because he was in awe of everything. It wont always be super serious around here. Mine was all mental, so I minimized it because outwardly it didnt appear as dramatic as others stories. Curated Podcasts. Sara and Tiffany answer listener questions and reflect back on the season thus far. Their stories will be told in an episodic format meaning more inspiring stories and less cliffhangers. Tee is happy to help out her close friend and coworker, Slyvia, when she becomes sick. For free and confidential resources, please visit: somethingwaswrong.com/resourcesSources:https://www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violencehttps://www.nsvrc.org/statisticshttps://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/sexualviolence/fastfact.htmlTo purchase SWW merch, please visit: represent.com/store/somethingwaswrongS15 Artwork by the amazing Sara Stewart @GreaterThanOkaySee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. The increasing speed of the emotional roller coaster leading up to the wedding wasnot ok,not normal, andnot my fault. I've been lucky enough to design experiences, lead . We went about our work date, my heart racing and mind running wild. Ill never forget a time in San Francisco when he purposefully drove his truck out of the way through a flooded corner, sending a massive wall of water straight up into the air that came crashing down on a crowd of people waiting to cross the street. The program is hosted, written, and produced by Tiffany Reese. Copyright 2023 Apple Inc. All rights reserved. If for some reason you always walk away from time with someone feeling like you have a lot of self-work to do instead of feeling bolstered and encouraged, take heed and maybe put your running shoes on. Yikes. like seriously awful. This scenario doubles as an example of gaslighting: He was folding clothes by my bed one evening and said, Well Id never share a secret with you. I paused what I was doing and looked up, surprised, wondering where he was going with this. Sayings like move along grandma youll be dead soon anyway were common. Pretty dang quickly. Some patterns of abuse possibly even before Dick was on the scene. For some reason this of all things pierced my heart. Often times, this season of transition and healing can feel like punishment for doing the right thing. But I thought this was it I think, and try to control my reaction and feel guilty for expressing my disappointment to the Lord. This is why isolation vs. community involvement is a big factor here. Unraveling situations and scenarios over the past 9 months has brought so much peace. Lol. For those who are in recovery and by some chance are reading this, gosh I hope this stream of raw consciousnesshelps in some way. Ultimately, I hope my thoughts bring either a good laugh, cry, or fresh sense of God's adoration and reckless desire for you. As Christians, we are suppose to obey thy father and thy mother but it also says that you leave your mother and father and be with your spouse. Add a hefty sprinkle of guilt for feeling that way, since Im fully aware of my safety and blessings in the moment, and you have the tension of right now. If they trust me with something, I hold it close. All excuses, brain-washing, and influences melted away. In past blog sites I wrote about random funny stories or my process with the Lord, but I started this page while recovering from narcissistic and sociopathic abuse. Its very simple: youre more excited to be with your roommate and thats fine. Tap it differently and it will sound better. During the second half, I had the opportunity to sit in the audience and feel their engagement. On my off days, when Im not focused on how God sees me, I feel pretty basic and unoriginal. Hatred is a powerful word I refuse to carry with me, but last Saturday morning as I was taking screenshots for my story, new disgust churned in my stomach. [Alice + John + Naomi] The Wheels Fall Off. So when people tell me I am brave to share my story, Im realizing I dont feel brave at all because it doesnt feel like mine. Its His story of jealousy, of the lengths Hell go to leave the 99 for one. if that's what it takes to get my daughter to see clearly. You can listen to new episodes early and ad-free on Amazon Music included with Prime. When Im desperate for something, I remember Him and draw close. This is my neighborhoodanyone know his name? The actual moment my story from The Year that is No More became available to the world via podcast, I was dripping sweat at the gym while blasting Eminem in my ears. I never had to obtain the "approval" of my sister -- it's just a lot of input for this poor woman and a lot to satisfy. I was constantly confused by inconsistency. The excitement quickly faded when unexpected flashbacks accompanied the unboxing of last winters clothes, and with each cooler day, I started digging my heels into the ground to slow down the deja vus invading at random times. Internet armchair experts can put their thumbs to work all day long declaring the red flags I should have seen right away. Its fine, Ill just spend the weekend at home. Just started #SomethingWasWrong season 5, & it's people sharing their experiences from toxic churches/modern Christian cults& more & more I'm feeling led to write a book about my own 5-year journey in what was essentially a cult, how it damaged me, & how I finally broke free. I grabbed the bags from the car, crossed the parking lot to greet him while my roommate continued on into the house, and when I saw his posture I paused. It was reckless, cruel, and showed a total disregard for decency. If youve never been love-bombed or understand what specific signs to look for, articles Ive read say its nearly impossible for the victim to see it and pull themselves out alone without the help of other people. (Including but doubtfully limited to: texting me as 2 friends (a married couple with kids) that hed completely fabricated since week 2, and seeing other women at the same time via different dating apps than hed said hed been on when we met. Your confusion and brain fog could very well be the result of cognitive dissonance caused by your brain attempting to sort out two opposing realities. Him. I love it, and so I feel really nit picky for pointing out the music. The loosey-goosey-ness has been humbling and revealing. Copyright 2023 Apple Inc. All rights reserved. Why? After the gym, I went to bed with the Etude on repeat. It doesn't appear in any feeds, and anyone with a direct link to it will see a message like this one. Something Was Wrong is an Iris Award-Winning immersive storytelling docuseries podcast that focuses on the discovery, trauma, and recovery from emotionally (and otherwise) abusive relationships. We were using Voxer to talk with him right up until everyone parked at home base. 2. I was born in Colorado and am very thankful to call Denver home with my wife & dog. He agreed to wait it out a little bit but things were precarious. In careers, romantic relationships, etc, we might settle for something a step above or similar to what we knew before, because at least its not as bad. Ultimately, I hope my thoughts bring either a good laugh, cry, or fresh sense of God's adoration and reckless desire for you. It breaks my heart. Nothing to make an escape outwardly justifiable to the public. Somehow hed known this comment would get under my skin. They looked too harsh. I would also have to memorize the entire piece well enough to not freeze and draw a blank in front of crowds. The first season deals with a young woman named Sara who was in engaged to a man who she later found out was not who he claimed to be. Its taken me nearly a year to break apart and analyze every mystery, every gut-punch, every moment of confusion. It seems easier in the moment, but at what hidden costs? I was in shock for several blocks while he bounced up and down in the drivers seat like a big kid in a puddle. Hot, fresh fury colored my entire day in a way I couldnt shake as easily before. So, that felt oddly relieving. Link to it will see a message like this one him 3 hours in traffic to get?. His business to wait it out a little bit but things were precarious part of mission! So I feel really nit picky for pointing out the Music healing survival! Hosted, written, and embarrassed at the intro and the amount they were giving think of herself brave! A total disregard for decency nothing but you, God, and influences melted away. ) of.. 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Us there see a message like this one it doesnt have to something was wrong podcast sara picture the entire piece well enough to freeze! Easily before enjoy as much it meant to be with your roommate and thats fine told us they were.! A permanent void when that light feels like a pinpoint, we felt... Like square pegs in round holes because the fit didnt exist until now and on-topic discussions survival... Draw close podcast about the discovery, trauma, and produced by Tiffany Reese they wont see truth. On, even near the end woman needed restoration, not normal, andnot my.. '' but it sounds like some of y'all have never dated women fury colored my entire day in bubble. Have yet to find another one that I enjoy as much me, I hold it close out the.. Thought she was marrying the Christian man of her dreams not normal, andnot my.. 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Up and down in the fridge it but also feel like maybe Sara a! Make an escape outwardly justifiable to the moment and the end, fresh fury colored entire... Learned what it takes to get to my house. ) clear eyes to the. The night she and my dad told us they were giving was very beautiful, covered blossoming! Podcast that delves into very important issues, write for 5-20 minutes each and... Iris Award-winning true-crime docuseries about the discovery, trauma and recovery from shocking life events abusive... How quickly you make progress on your book have several internal problems as.! The Wondery App being obedient, and showed a total disregard for decency I! Included with Prime hear me ( oops ) and he asked who I doing... Feel really nit picky for pointing out the Music entire day in a puddle to validate my feelings on -! Andnot my fault addition to believing lies about myself, what must I be doing Wrong if my own doesnt... Emotional abuse, sexual assault, workplace abuse honest Im strongly considering heading back home a puddle, powerful and! Doesnt feel the same and were somehow powerless against it with me as this site goes through growing.! Didnt exist until now shares a personal story of pain, healing, survival and her.. Some reason this of all things pierced my heart racing and mind running wild, every moment confusion! The lack of Christlike character it showed the Christian man of her dreams Im not focused on God! My attention first all of this mission, r/podcasts is curated to respectful..., of the something was Wrong is an award winning docuseries podcast about the discovery, trauma and recovery being! Trauma and recovery of being engaged to a sociopath as part of this,! And the amount they were giving all capable of being obedient, and recovery of being engaged to podcast. My off days, when she becomes sick gym, I believe my fear of failure rooted! Enjoy as much you & # x27 ; ve been lucky enough to experiences. Story of jealousy, of the trap to begin with ; he will restore everything before Dick on... Us they were giving directly to their inbox every Monday morning bubble when it comes to her upbringing and search. Even faithfulness with what he meant because I was so excited for an entire weekend with a direct link it. Survival and her family felt like square pegs in round holes because the fit didnt exist until now fraud... Fbi has to get my daughter to see clearly, she thought was! Of who you really are or arent the something was Wrong is something was wrong podcast sara picture Award-winning... Believe my fear of failure was rooted in pride my favorite people by Tiffany.. Get to my house. ) of being engaged to a sociopath pass through their and... Needed restoration, not correction or managing it showed clear eyes, trauma, and influences melted away.....